Pie is better than Cake. Period.

As you can see from the title Pie is better than Cake. I'll make this short and sweet, like Pie. Or wait, no I won't, I'll make it long and detailed so this debate can finally be settled once and for all. I just wanted to use that short and sweet joke as a catchy intro like we learned in high school English.

Let me define some terms of discussion. I'm not saying its impossible for an individual to like cake more than pie. Some people do. Some people also like to put their penises into the suction holes in hot tubs.

Most cake tastes like shit. This is why you get birthday cake once a year and pie at Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, The 4th of July, or whenever you go out to eat. Ever heard of a Thanksgiving cake? No. Its pie, and here's why.

For cake to taste good you have to put in tons of work and buy expensive ingredients. I have only had one or two pieces of cake in my entire life that tasted good and that was at weddings where people spend thousands of dollars on the cake. And I was drunk, which is the only way to get me to eat cake. Come to think of it those good tasting cakes may have been pies.

So expensive cake might taste good, but the same goes for pie. Dollar for dollar you just get more bang for your buck with pie. Some of you might be saying, what about ice cream cake? What about cheesecake?

Well here is what I have to say about that. Ice cream cake is delicious. But would ice cream pie not taste better? People get ice cream cake because normal cake tastes like shit and since they don't want to have to feel bad about throwing out all of the left overs, they get ice cream and call it cake. I say we start calling it ice cream pie.

Onto cheesecake. Semantics. As a fanatical anti-Semite I refuse to let cheese cake be labeled as cake. It has a crust, o, wait, thats what anti-Semite means? I mean I am against semantics. Anti-semantics. Whatever. Cheese cake has a crust, like pie. In fact cheesecake is a misgnomer. There is nothing cake like about it! I mean, cheese? Really? People put cheese in Pies and on, o, wait, thats what misgnomer means? I mean its a misnomer. Anyway.

Quick, name 5 types of cake other than cheesecake and and ice cream cake. You can't, can you? Now name five pies. Apple, pumpkin, rhubarb, blueberry, pecan, key lime, banana cream, peach, I mean, its easy! Would you rather have some shitty cake or a piece of pie from that list? If you said shitty cake go put you penis in the suction hole of a hot tub. Idiot.