Thought Watch

Mexican food is amazing but the salad they say comes with your meal is just shredded lettuce. Shredded Lettuce isn't a salad, its shredded lettuce

If I can't clearly write out what motivated either the protagonist, the antagonist, or both, your movie, no matter how expensive, was bad. I'm talking to you The Eagle, Hanna, and Starwars.

Someone needs to reinvent the CSI type cop drama shows so that I don't know whats going to happen next based on what time it is.
Minute 1, conflict, someones dead.
3-19, background and basic police work
20-23, we have a suspect based on basic police work but we have to find him
24-27, we have him but it turns out its not him. We unknowingly meet the real killer
28-45, amazing police work, we now have a new suspect based on new information.
46-50, we know who did it for sure but we can't find him!
51-55, we found him but we have to catch him, o, we caught him
56-58, turns out hes creepy and the cops abuse him but we don't feel bad because hes a creep
59-60, something personal about the detective
Can we please mix this up?

I don't think I would want to marry anyone who would have me for a husband.

I showed up for my doctors appointment and the receptionist says "your early." I said "thats fine, I'll wait. "By 2 weeks." "o."

Is it my fault or the girls fault if she catches me catching her look at her boobs? She made it seem like it was mine

Why do all the women in my fantasies have to be such perverts?

I was walking to class today and all the brilliant wealthy good looking college students looked like they were trapped and ready to lay down and die. Everyone was looking at their feet and on the verge of tears. Then along came a girl who was obviously mentally handicapped. She had the biggest smile ever and was looking around at the buildings and having a great time

Gandhi's guiding principle to return good for evil. I agree: Do me some evil and I'll return a healthy dose of my good fist

I herby change the name of Humanities to Humanitities.

Have I signed the petition? Of course I've signed the petition, I sign it every chance I can. That way when you get enough signatures I can be sure to invalidate the damn thing since some people signed more than once.

It's not that we're alcoholics, its that we have an obsessive compulsive parinoia that for some un-explainable reason all of the alcohol in the world is about to disappear.

I am going to cut your head off and feed it to you.

Think about shanking. A quick shank is deadly, a slow shank is just a friendly poke.

Let us not judge a man on his looks, rather let us judge him on the looks of his girl friend, for while a man may be newtlike in appearance, it matters not a 5-pence worth should he possess a woman who beith most babelike in nature

The trouble with being trapped on a desert island with a super model is she isn't going to be desperate enough to have sex with you for at least a couple of weeks, and by then her legs will be hairy.

Goldie locks is a bitch. She breaks into some black bears house and eats their porriage, bitches about how it tastes, her fat ass breaks the chairs, then she rubs her dirty feet all over everyones beds. I'm just saying if she broke into a white bears house there would have been an uproar.