How to win friends (chicks) and influence (manipulate) people

I recently had to read a famous book for work. How to Win Friends and Influence People. The book mostly focused on how to win friends and influence people, and it also assumed that you give a shit. Here are some things to remember in social interactions when you in fact, do not, give said shit.

These 10 guidelines will ensure you never walk away from a conversation feeling worse than the people you are talking to.

1. Always point at other peoples faces when you are making an important point. This lets them know you are serious and the visual cue helps to make sure they are paying attention. Plus, people really enjoying having a finger waved in their face.

2. Make sure to give the person you are talking to time to speak. Do this by placing your chin on your fist and periodically pointing at their face when they seem to be making a key point. Nod your head often to give the impression of attention. While they are talking you will have plenty of time to think about what you want to say next.

3. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Make sure not to let anyone see into your soul by avoiding eye contact. Instead, direct your gaze to the forehead of the person you are talking to. This will make them exceptionally uncomfortable, insuring a shorter conversation.

4. If you have to make eye contact, blink as often as possible.

5. When you don't have anything nice to say, its important that you say as much as possible. Keeping those negative feelings bottled up can be bad for your health.

6. If you feel your opponent is about to make a good point, stop them by saying “shhhhhhhh, you have something in your teeth.” When they ask you if they got it, say something like “no, its still there, but I wouldn't worry about it.” That should really hurt their confidence.

7. When walking away from a conversation, be sure to shake your head and call the other person an idiot under your breath.

8. Communication is 90% body language but only 10% about what you actually say. Tell this to the next women who accuses you of only looking at her tits and ass and ignoring what comes out of her mouth.

9. The thing about lying is that once you lie, you usually have to tell another lie to cover up the first one, and pretty soon you are telling one lie after another. This is great because you will never run out of things to say.

10. If you only remember one rule about social interactions make it this one: always be the loudest person in the conversation. Always.