This is my first guest column written by Erin Carpenter. Although written in a slightly more calm, logical tone, it still gets the message across. Enjoy.
If I ran an airport, there would be a separate space for the motorized carts that take passengers to their gates to drive through. There is little at an airport than bothers me more (although I will touch on a few things in a minute) than hearing an annoyed, borderline angry, “Excuse the cart!”, sometimes accompanied by a horn honk or some other attention-getter, forcing travelers of all sorts to delay their progress to allow these carts to pass.
The way I see it, we are all trying to get to our gates as efficiently as possible. These carts serve one, albeit noble, purpose: to assist those passengers who have mobility restrictions to their gates. These passengers should have the opportunity to receive this assistance, but it does not mean they have the right to get to their gates faster than the rest of us. We are all trying to make our way to our destination. I can’t very well push my way through a busy ATL terminal, for example, shouting “Excuse the ERIN!” and expect everyone to step aside and allow me swift travel to my destination (although I haven’t tried this yet…).
Anyway, I do realize that it would be a bit cumbersome to inch through a thick crowd of people in one of these carts (like the rest of us have to do on foot), therefore if I ran an airport there would be a separate space for these motorized carts to drive through, allowing people the assistance they need, and all travelers equal opportunity to travel efficiently.
As I mentioned, there is little that bothers me at an airport more than the angry, entitled motorized carts, but there are a few things that come close. One is gate-crowders. These are the folks that as soon as the gate makes any sort of announcement, usually that boarding will begin soon (not now), they immediately begin to crowd the boarding area, forming a tight bunch around the gate.
The issue I have is that these people are not boarding the plane anytime soon, and in fact other people are boarding before them, and yet they pay no attention whatsoever. They even act sort of annoyed or inconvenienced as other passengers, like me, have to bob and weave through them in order to rightfully board the plane at our appointed time.
The underlying train of thought in these heads, as well as the angry cart drivers’ appears to me to be the same, I matter more than you. Who do you think you are? Well, I am a traveler just like you; the difference is that I am aware of the big picture here and acknowledge everyone’s desire to travel in an efficient way. I seek to move through a crowd and allow others around me to also. I wait in an open, distanced space until I am called to board my flight so that others may also travel efficiently. It’s about looking out for others as well as yourself, because we all matter.
The gate-crowders do not disappear once they board their flights, unfortunately. They rear their ugly heads again at the baggage carousels. They are the folks who step right in front of you as you patiently wait at a reasonable distance from the carousel, and remain there as if you do not exist, or probably more accurately, as if you do not matter.
They sidle in front, in any small gap, as though they are the only ones who have luggage to claim. And they do this, much like they do at the boarding gate, extremely prematurely, only creating a wall of sorts, preventing everyone else who needs to claim their luggage from even seeing their luggage, let alone claiming it easily. But then again, that doesn’t matter to these people; only they matter.
If everyone would take a few steps back, acknowledge the entire flight of travelers around them, and wait patiently and respectfully until they see their own luggage, then step forward to claim it, everyone could complete this process easily.
So, you see, my issue is this: too many people these days only care about themselves. There is no awareness of what is going on around them, because to them, none of that matters, only they matter. Because I am traveling almost non-stop these days, I see this mindset manifest itself in airports around the country and around the world, but it is the principle of it that bothers me.
Therefore, if I ran an airport, there would be a separate space for the motorized carts to drive in. And if I ran the world, gate-crowders would not be allowed to board their flights, now it is they who do not matter. With any luck, the baggage carousel thing would solve itself with the previous restriction on boarding, and sooner or later, if their parents still don’t teach them growing up, people will learn that others really do matter. Maybe then people will start to show a little respect for one another, and we can all travel (drive, speak, shop, etc.) in peace.
A big hug and thanks to Fishface-Wingman-Bridgerider for the opportunity to write this entry. Until next time!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Pie is better than Cake. Period.
As you can see from the title Pie is better than Cake. I'll make this short and sweet, like Pie. Or wait, no I won't, I'll make it long and detailed so this debate can finally be settled once and for all. I just wanted to use that short and sweet joke as a catchy intro like we learned in high school English.
Let me define some terms of discussion. I'm not saying its impossible for an individual to like cake more than pie. Some people do. Some people also like to put their penises into the suction holes in hot tubs.
Most cake tastes like shit. This is why you get birthday cake once a year and pie at Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, The 4th of July, or whenever you go out to eat. Ever heard of a Thanksgiving cake? No. Its pie, and here's why.
For cake to taste good you have to put in tons of work and buy expensive ingredients. I have only had one or two pieces of cake in my entire life that tasted good and that was at weddings where people spend thousands of dollars on the cake. And I was drunk, which is the only way to get me to eat cake. Come to think of it those good tasting cakes may have been pies.
So expensive cake might taste good, but the same goes for pie. Dollar for dollar you just get more bang for your buck with pie. Some of you might be saying, what about ice cream cake? What about cheesecake?
Well here is what I have to say about that. Ice cream cake is delicious. But would ice cream pie not taste better? People get ice cream cake because normal cake tastes like shit and since they don't want to have to feel bad about throwing out all of the left overs, they get ice cream and call it cake. I say we start calling it ice cream pie.
Onto cheesecake. Semantics. As a fanatical anti-Semite I refuse to let cheese cake be labeled as cake. It has a crust, o, wait, thats what anti-Semite means? I mean I am against semantics. Anti-semantics. Whatever. Cheese cake has a crust, like pie. In fact cheesecake is a misgnomer. There is nothing cake like about it! I mean, cheese? Really? People put cheese in Pies and on, o, wait, thats what misgnomer means? I mean its a misnomer. Anyway.
Quick, name 5 types of cake other than cheesecake and and ice cream cake. You can't, can you? Now name five pies. Apple, pumpkin, rhubarb, blueberry, pecan, key lime, banana cream, peach, I mean, its easy! Would you rather have some shitty cake or a piece of pie from that list? If you said shitty cake go put you penis in the suction hole of a hot tub. Idiot.
Let me define some terms of discussion. I'm not saying its impossible for an individual to like cake more than pie. Some people do. Some people also like to put their penises into the suction holes in hot tubs.
Most cake tastes like shit. This is why you get birthday cake once a year and pie at Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, The 4th of July, or whenever you go out to eat. Ever heard of a Thanksgiving cake? No. Its pie, and here's why.
For cake to taste good you have to put in tons of work and buy expensive ingredients. I have only had one or two pieces of cake in my entire life that tasted good and that was at weddings where people spend thousands of dollars on the cake. And I was drunk, which is the only way to get me to eat cake. Come to think of it those good tasting cakes may have been pies.
So expensive cake might taste good, but the same goes for pie. Dollar for dollar you just get more bang for your buck with pie. Some of you might be saying, what about ice cream cake? What about cheesecake?
Well here is what I have to say about that. Ice cream cake is delicious. But would ice cream pie not taste better? People get ice cream cake because normal cake tastes like shit and since they don't want to have to feel bad about throwing out all of the left overs, they get ice cream and call it cake. I say we start calling it ice cream pie.
Onto cheesecake. Semantics. As a fanatical anti-Semite I refuse to let cheese cake be labeled as cake. It has a crust, o, wait, thats what anti-Semite means? I mean I am against semantics. Anti-semantics. Whatever. Cheese cake has a crust, like pie. In fact cheesecake is a misgnomer. There is nothing cake like about it! I mean, cheese? Really? People put cheese in Pies and on, o, wait, thats what misgnomer means? I mean its a misnomer. Anyway.
Quick, name 5 types of cake other than cheesecake and and ice cream cake. You can't, can you? Now name five pies. Apple, pumpkin, rhubarb, blueberry, pecan, key lime, banana cream, peach, I mean, its easy! Would you rather have some shitty cake or a piece of pie from that list? If you said shitty cake go put you penis in the suction hole of a hot tub. Idiot.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
My Generation- Cinema Realists
I've been giving some thought lately to how I define myself and if there might be other people like me. I've concluded I belong to a certain group, every generation has them. My group sees themselves as living in a movie. We don't actually live in a movie, although we might, but we live our lives as if we did. Let me explain what this looks like.
When I dressed in the morning I'm thinking about how what I wear will effect me should I run into a Zombie outbreak, or a bank robbery, or I get transported to the Jungle, or I'm suddenly promoted to CEO of Walmart because I look just like him and he is in a coma and they don't want to scare the investors.
So what do I wear for this? Something I can run in, something I can fight in, something with pockets, but also something that would look good should I have to impress the girl I just rescued from a bar fight and wants to run away to Mexico with me.
In the movies there are no wasted scenes and any segments that don't go smoothly don't go smoothly on purpose. People like me have a hard time wasting time and we will go out of our way to flow through parts of our day, even if just for a few moments.
I was once a server and there was a station where we would bring our trays to clear them. On the wall opposite that station was a shelve where we put bread baskets. Every time I went to clear my tray I would throw the bread basket over my head, missing the shelf 99% of the time. Then one day I made it just as a new busser walked into the room. She couldn't believe I had done it and I felt like I was in a movie.
Do you try and use the force to open doors or stop objects that are about to fall? Do you love going to the grocery store just so you can use the force to open the door? If you do you are living your life like a movie star.
When I get into an elevator I always get the feeling that I am being chased. Therefore I hit the close button over and over. I do this even when someone across the room yells "hold the elevator." In fact I prefer to have someone trying to make the elevator, it makes it that much more real. If they don't make it I just lived a movie scene and got away from a Terminator. If they make it my life changes to a comedy as they glare at me for not holding the elevator.
While living your life this way manifests itself in seemingly meaningless ways, like zig zagging to avoid a sniper bullet, it does give your life a sense of purpose. Movies are all about people who matter, people who might not seem significant but actually make a big difference. Live this way and you will constantly be ready to act, to do something important even if you are not important.
Most times you will have to make your own movies, but every once in a while you will be prepared to say something hilarious, or help someone, or sweep a woman off her feet, and then the movie becomes real.
People with a sense of the grandeur and awesomeness of life watch movies and think, thats me, that could be real if we all lived that way. From an early age we watch the movies, we love finding real life situations that can be elevated to movie status, and we look for people like us.
People say to live like nobodys watching. I think that makes your life meaningless and boring; people don't watch boring movies. Your life is worth watching, you just have to live like you don't care that some people don't like the script. Try it, you might have more fans than you think.
When I dressed in the morning I'm thinking about how what I wear will effect me should I run into a Zombie outbreak, or a bank robbery, or I get transported to the Jungle, or I'm suddenly promoted to CEO of Walmart because I look just like him and he is in a coma and they don't want to scare the investors.
So what do I wear for this? Something I can run in, something I can fight in, something with pockets, but also something that would look good should I have to impress the girl I just rescued from a bar fight and wants to run away to Mexico with me.
In the movies there are no wasted scenes and any segments that don't go smoothly don't go smoothly on purpose. People like me have a hard time wasting time and we will go out of our way to flow through parts of our day, even if just for a few moments.
I was once a server and there was a station where we would bring our trays to clear them. On the wall opposite that station was a shelve where we put bread baskets. Every time I went to clear my tray I would throw the bread basket over my head, missing the shelf 99% of the time. Then one day I made it just as a new busser walked into the room. She couldn't believe I had done it and I felt like I was in a movie.
Do you try and use the force to open doors or stop objects that are about to fall? Do you love going to the grocery store just so you can use the force to open the door? If you do you are living your life like a movie star.
When I get into an elevator I always get the feeling that I am being chased. Therefore I hit the close button over and over. I do this even when someone across the room yells "hold the elevator." In fact I prefer to have someone trying to make the elevator, it makes it that much more real. If they don't make it I just lived a movie scene and got away from a Terminator. If they make it my life changes to a comedy as they glare at me for not holding the elevator.
While living your life this way manifests itself in seemingly meaningless ways, like zig zagging to avoid a sniper bullet, it does give your life a sense of purpose. Movies are all about people who matter, people who might not seem significant but actually make a big difference. Live this way and you will constantly be ready to act, to do something important even if you are not important.
Most times you will have to make your own movies, but every once in a while you will be prepared to say something hilarious, or help someone, or sweep a woman off her feet, and then the movie becomes real.
People with a sense of the grandeur and awesomeness of life watch movies and think, thats me, that could be real if we all lived that way. From an early age we watch the movies, we love finding real life situations that can be elevated to movie status, and we look for people like us.
People say to live like nobodys watching. I think that makes your life meaningless and boring; people don't watch boring movies. Your life is worth watching, you just have to live like you don't care that some people don't like the script. Try it, you might have more fans than you think.
Want to turn me off? Athletic Shoes Vs. Sneakers
Have you ever thought about what the most unattractive thing you could do would be? Me neither, which is why I am shocked to find out how many ugly smelly horse faced women wear sneakers. I know what your thinking, is it the sneakers that make them unattractive or are they unattractive because they wear sneakers? The answer is both- for some reason unattractive women love to wear sneakers and attractive women who wear sneakers become as ugly as the inside of a turd.
Your probably wondering what I mean when i say sneakers. So I've included a couple of pictures, its ok, there are no ugly ass women attached by their feet, the sneakers don't actually look that bad.
Figure 1. Standard sneakers worn by fish faced, droopy, smelly, unfun women.
I've also included a picture of what women look like who wear these shoes.
Figure 2. If you look like this you most likely wear sneakers. If you look better than this and start wearing sneakers, you will end up looking like this.
I'm not sure exactly why these shoes are so unattractive, but I'm pretty sure its because of the message they send. Sneakers say, "I don't give a fuck about my appearance, I don't move fast, I have no class, I'm fat and getting fatter, I like to nag, I have hair on my toes, and I don't know how to buy a real shoe or clean my ass crack." I think it has something to do with that. Make sure not to confuse sneakers with converse all stars or similar high top shoes that look like sneakers on the bottom. I've never seen a girl wear these, that would probably be hot if someone would just try it. Anyway...
While sneakers say "I'm dumb but still like to talk, I'm super loud, I can't cook, I think I can be eclectic and define myself with these cheap useless goat hoof shoes," there are several other types of shoes that make women hot.
Lets start with athletic shoes. I'll give you a multiple choice question so you can guess what this woman is wearing on her feet.
What are on her feet?
A. Sneakers
B. Athletic Shoes
The correct answer is b. You could have gotten to this answer in two ways. The first is that ugly hello kitty wearing unshaven women wear sneakers. The second way to get this answer would be to know that exercise requires athletic shoes and tennis is a form of exercise.
Thats right, athletic shoes on a girl give a very different message than sneakers. they say I can afford 60$ shoes that don't come from a hobo store, and I take care of my body. I am capable of working out. In case you are still wondering this is what athletic shoes look like.
Hot girl shoes
Athletic shoes say you are willing to try. Sneakers say this:
Notice it is wearing something closer to sneakers. Just because you play tennis doesn't mean you are hot, its the shoes.
So lets recap.
Sneakers
+
Girls Feet
=
Not attractive.
but....
Athletic shoe
+
Girls feet
=
Super hot
Can I be more clear?
Your probably wondering what I mean when i say sneakers. So I've included a couple of pictures, its ok, there are no ugly ass women attached by their feet, the sneakers don't actually look that bad.
Figure 1. Standard sneakers worn by fish faced, droopy, smelly, unfun women.
I've also included a picture of what women look like who wear these shoes.
Figure 2. If you look like this you most likely wear sneakers. If you look better than this and start wearing sneakers, you will end up looking like this.
I'm not sure exactly why these shoes are so unattractive, but I'm pretty sure its because of the message they send. Sneakers say, "I don't give a fuck about my appearance, I don't move fast, I have no class, I'm fat and getting fatter, I like to nag, I have hair on my toes, and I don't know how to buy a real shoe or clean my ass crack." I think it has something to do with that. Make sure not to confuse sneakers with converse all stars or similar high top shoes that look like sneakers on the bottom. I've never seen a girl wear these, that would probably be hot if someone would just try it. Anyway...
While sneakers say "I'm dumb but still like to talk, I'm super loud, I can't cook, I think I can be eclectic and define myself with these cheap useless goat hoof shoes," there are several other types of shoes that make women hot.
Lets start with athletic shoes. I'll give you a multiple choice question so you can guess what this woman is wearing on her feet.
What are on her feet?
A. Sneakers
B. Athletic Shoes
The correct answer is b. You could have gotten to this answer in two ways. The first is that ugly hello kitty wearing unshaven women wear sneakers. The second way to get this answer would be to know that exercise requires athletic shoes and tennis is a form of exercise.
Thats right, athletic shoes on a girl give a very different message than sneakers. they say I can afford 60$ shoes that don't come from a hobo store, and I take care of my body. I am capable of working out. In case you are still wondering this is what athletic shoes look like.
Hot girl shoes
Athletic shoes say you are willing to try. Sneakers say this:
Notice it is wearing something closer to sneakers. Just because you play tennis doesn't mean you are hot, its the shoes.
So lets recap.
Sneakers
+
Girls Feet
=
Not attractive.
but....
Athletic shoe
+
Girls feet
=
Super hot
Can I be more clear?
Travel Agent suggests this is the best time in years to visit Egypt
According to Gusty Winds, fares for everything from Lodging to Plane tickets are at their lowest price in decades. Winds has been telling potential travelers all week that he would go to Egypt right now if he could. "Tons of people are canceling their flights and passing the savings on to you. Tours, hotels, everything, its practically free!" While Gusty couldn't explain the sudden drop in fares he said it is a Godsend for anyone who wants to the historic land of the Nile, Pyramids, and Pharaohs. "I can't think of a reason not to go to Egypt!" Package deals at Easy Access Inc, where Gusty is an agent, are going for less than 350$ with round trip airfare, 5 nights lodging, and 250 cannisters of tear gas included. "I know it seems strange but when deals like this come along we like to pass the savings on to our customers. Who doesn't like savings?"
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Cortez- So badass you can't even spell his name in English
Want to know who the most badass person in all of history was? Hernan Cortes. Thats right. Technically thats not even his name, there are little lines over the a and e in his name signifying a man who cannot be contained by mere English. What follows is the story of the Hernaninator's life, which was basically one badass event after another (not to plagiarize I got all these sweet facts about his life from the book History's Greatest Lies by William Weir pages 78-97).
Hernan lady killer Cortes, as he was know to his friends, started life with a wet nurse. That means he was sucking strange tits before most people could walk. What a badass.
By 14 HC went to the University of Salamanca when most of his friends were still playing with Pokemon Cards and trying to figure out what to do with their first boners. Badass.
By age 16 he had finished with college and was all set to go to the New World, just for the hell of it. But then he fell out of a window after banging some married woman. I'm sure it made for one bad ass story.
Not to be discouraged by physical realities, Herny the Gurney went to the America's anyway where he was immediately given slaves and land just for being the coolest guy. You can't make this next part up so I'll quote it. “Although diligent about watching his slaves work, the young man mostly spent his hours drinking, gambling, and pursuing Indian Women (Weir, 82)” Holy shit.
When he got tired of doing whatever he wanted, Cortez became a soldier and helped conquer Hispaniola and Cuba. No big deal. Along the way he got promoted about a dozen times until he was a mayor or some important shit. Sweet balls.
By this point C dog had a kid with some Indian chick and was in jail because he had been fooling around with the Governor’s sister in law but wouldn't commit. Typical. So he finally married the brawd so he could get out of the slammer. Too bad for her he decided to leave right away. Sorry baby.
Hernan big balls Cortez quickly cashed in on all the sweet gold mines and stuff he owned and got a fleet together to go to Mexico and find some new babes and cash money. When the Governor told him he couldn't go he pretended not to hear him. When the guy met him at the dock Hernan said, “oooo, you meant THAT Mexico? Well to late, I'm ready now. Are you sure I can't go?” The Governor was about to answer but Cortez didn't give him time, he just jumped on his boat and left. So cool.
By the time he got out of Cuba pretty much everyone had joined up with him. 50% of the Spanish males in the area in fact (Weir 84). He got to Mexico, picking up tons of rowdy fun loving dudes on the way, and was promptly given a bunch of sexy slave women who were mostly pregnant with in a couple of hours. When the locals got angry he had taken so many slaves he just fired his canon and scared the shit out of them. Ha.
Then he asked this city of 100,000 people to give him some food and water and probably a cold one and they were like, fuck you. It was his 390 men and 100 slaves vs. 100,000 Thlaxcalans. He promptly whooped their asses and they gave him the beer he wanted and decided to join his party brigade. That is one badass mother.
So now he went to another city and wanted more food and water and they were like, ummmm, maybe later. And so he got all their leaders together and gave a big speech, after which the Thlaxcalans went ahead and killed about 3,000 of them. Cortez was like, “o, there go those Thlaxcalans again, you should have just given us some dinner.” Hernan 2, people not giving him what he wants, 0.
So now everyone in Mexico was on his nuts and the Aztecs started sending him gold and sweet feathers. I'm guessing, and this is just a guess, he used those feathers to tickle the breasts of hotties. By the time he got to the Aztecs their King, Montezuma, gave up without a fight and the Aztec city of gold was his. Bingo.
But then the pissed off Spanish sent 600 men to Mexico to capture Cortez and replace him. So Hernan snuck up on their leader, put him in jail, punched a few noses, and then recruited all the men who were supposed to be arresting him into his own army. This guy does whatever he wants!
But while he was gone some lesser men accidentally killed 10,000 Aztecs and the city went on a rampage. So, new friends in tow, he ran back to deal with it. It turned out a couple of hundred guys isn't enough to control hundreds of thousands of angry Aztecs. Or is it?
Hernan was like, I'm out of here, and ditched the Aztecs. Or so they thought. He gathered up some Indian friends, let those friends eat/sacrifice anyone who didn't want to come along, and came back to deal with the Aztecs. By the time he got there everyone had small pocks and he waltzed in, kicked some ass, and took the new emperor captive. Mission accomplished.
And thats the story of the greatest bad ass in all of history. You might not like him, you might hate his methods, you might have to go to court to try and get child support, but man, what a bad ass.
Hernan lady killer Cortes, as he was know to his friends, started life with a wet nurse. That means he was sucking strange tits before most people could walk. What a badass.
By 14 HC went to the University of Salamanca when most of his friends were still playing with Pokemon Cards and trying to figure out what to do with their first boners. Badass.
By age 16 he had finished with college and was all set to go to the New World, just for the hell of it. But then he fell out of a window after banging some married woman. I'm sure it made for one bad ass story.
Not to be discouraged by physical realities, Herny the Gurney went to the America's anyway where he was immediately given slaves and land just for being the coolest guy. You can't make this next part up so I'll quote it. “Although diligent about watching his slaves work, the young man mostly spent his hours drinking, gambling, and pursuing Indian Women (Weir, 82)” Holy shit.
When he got tired of doing whatever he wanted, Cortez became a soldier and helped conquer Hispaniola and Cuba. No big deal. Along the way he got promoted about a dozen times until he was a mayor or some important shit. Sweet balls.
By this point C dog had a kid with some Indian chick and was in jail because he had been fooling around with the Governor’s sister in law but wouldn't commit. Typical. So he finally married the brawd so he could get out of the slammer. Too bad for her he decided to leave right away. Sorry baby.
Hernan big balls Cortez quickly cashed in on all the sweet gold mines and stuff he owned and got a fleet together to go to Mexico and find some new babes and cash money. When the Governor told him he couldn't go he pretended not to hear him. When the guy met him at the dock Hernan said, “oooo, you meant THAT Mexico? Well to late, I'm ready now. Are you sure I can't go?” The Governor was about to answer but Cortez didn't give him time, he just jumped on his boat and left. So cool.
By the time he got out of Cuba pretty much everyone had joined up with him. 50% of the Spanish males in the area in fact (Weir 84). He got to Mexico, picking up tons of rowdy fun loving dudes on the way, and was promptly given a bunch of sexy slave women who were mostly pregnant with in a couple of hours. When the locals got angry he had taken so many slaves he just fired his canon and scared the shit out of them. Ha.
Then he asked this city of 100,000 people to give him some food and water and probably a cold one and they were like, fuck you. It was his 390 men and 100 slaves vs. 100,000 Thlaxcalans. He promptly whooped their asses and they gave him the beer he wanted and decided to join his party brigade. That is one badass mother.
So now he went to another city and wanted more food and water and they were like, ummmm, maybe later. And so he got all their leaders together and gave a big speech, after which the Thlaxcalans went ahead and killed about 3,000 of them. Cortez was like, “o, there go those Thlaxcalans again, you should have just given us some dinner.” Hernan 2, people not giving him what he wants, 0.
So now everyone in Mexico was on his nuts and the Aztecs started sending him gold and sweet feathers. I'm guessing, and this is just a guess, he used those feathers to tickle the breasts of hotties. By the time he got to the Aztecs their King, Montezuma, gave up without a fight and the Aztec city of gold was his. Bingo.
But then the pissed off Spanish sent 600 men to Mexico to capture Cortez and replace him. So Hernan snuck up on their leader, put him in jail, punched a few noses, and then recruited all the men who were supposed to be arresting him into his own army. This guy does whatever he wants!
But while he was gone some lesser men accidentally killed 10,000 Aztecs and the city went on a rampage. So, new friends in tow, he ran back to deal with it. It turned out a couple of hundred guys isn't enough to control hundreds of thousands of angry Aztecs. Or is it?
Hernan was like, I'm out of here, and ditched the Aztecs. Or so they thought. He gathered up some Indian friends, let those friends eat/sacrifice anyone who didn't want to come along, and came back to deal with the Aztecs. By the time he got there everyone had small pocks and he waltzed in, kicked some ass, and took the new emperor captive. Mission accomplished.
And thats the story of the greatest bad ass in all of history. You might not like him, you might hate his methods, you might have to go to court to try and get child support, but man, what a bad ass.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Recycling. I don't and neither should you.
I don't recycle and I resent the fact people want to make me do it. You could view what follows as an elaborate series of justifications for my lazy, deviant behavior. But if you view it that way, you still have to prove me wrong before I start recycling. So here is a list of things the State or Tree Huggers or whomever would have to clear up before I start recycling.
First I need to know that recycling and other environmental efforts at reducing energy consumption do more good than harm. The Government is constantly working to mandate those shitty spiral bulbs that last a long time and use less energy. But they are filled with mercury, so much mercury that a broken bulb can force the evacuation of a house.
Is saving electricity worth the cost of dealing with the mercury? Not to mention those bulbs suck, they give off crappy light. The human cost of dealing with poor lighting seems to outweigh marginal environmental gains. Don't infringe on my freedom by trying to force me to use certain products. If the bulbs save money I'll buy them if they are worth the cost. Right now, they aren't.
I refuse to recycle paper until someone explains to me why we shouldn't be making as much paper as possible. Making paper is good for the economy, I'm talking jobs and capital all over the place. I don't believe in the Theory of Global Warming, thats a different column, but if you do, it would behoove you to use as much paper as possible. Every tree you cut down is replaced by another tree, and as that new tree grows it takes in more Carbon Dioxide. An older tree, the type harvested for paper, has already taken in most of the carbon required for its life cycle. Sure, making paper has an environmental cost in terms of pollution, but so does recycling.
I read a sign that said it takes a million years for glass to decompose in a landfill so we should recycle. You know what takes longer than glass to decompose? Sand. In fact, I don't think sand decomposes, it just becomes smaller sand. I don't see the problem in turning as much sand as we want into glass and then having a bunch of glass sitting around instead of a bunch of sand.
The same goes for any product. Before you ask me to recycle something, presumably to keep it out of a land fill or to reduce the costs, both environmental and economic, of making a new one, you need to convince me its worth it. There is no intrinsic value in recycling, especially since it takes work for the individual to recycle as well as money and effort to set up the process. It doesn't matter if we have a ton of raw materials sitting someplace or a ton of manufactured products sitting somewhere else.
Recycling has a negative impact on human invention as well. If we keep recycling everything there is no incentive, or at least delayed incentive, to come up with solutions for used up resources or overflowing landfills. Recycling will delay the necessity of dealing with these problems, but whether we recycle or not is immaterial. We will find new solutions for trash regardless of what I do with the crap I use in my daily life. If we run out of something, whatever it may be, we will just find ways to survive without it.
Recycling is societies reaction to fears about resource depletion and environmental costs. But recycling creates just as many problems, not the least of which is wasted human effort. Recycling simply delays the natural adaptations humanity undergoes as our environment changes. I'm willing to adapt to used up resources by thinking of alternatives, but I'm not willing to recycle just because someone tells me to.
I will admit that some recycling could be worthwhile. But nobody bothers to tell us why its worthwhile, they just skip that step and jump right to forcing us to do it. Not acceptable, not effective.
I represent the apathetic public who isn't scared of change. We are willing to adapt when we have to, but we aren't going to install shitty light bulbs and expend tons of effort recycling just to put off adaption. Go ahead, convince us we are are wrong. Until then we are going to keep using as much of the commons as we can.
First I need to know that recycling and other environmental efforts at reducing energy consumption do more good than harm. The Government is constantly working to mandate those shitty spiral bulbs that last a long time and use less energy. But they are filled with mercury, so much mercury that a broken bulb can force the evacuation of a house.
Is saving electricity worth the cost of dealing with the mercury? Not to mention those bulbs suck, they give off crappy light. The human cost of dealing with poor lighting seems to outweigh marginal environmental gains. Don't infringe on my freedom by trying to force me to use certain products. If the bulbs save money I'll buy them if they are worth the cost. Right now, they aren't.
I refuse to recycle paper until someone explains to me why we shouldn't be making as much paper as possible. Making paper is good for the economy, I'm talking jobs and capital all over the place. I don't believe in the Theory of Global Warming, thats a different column, but if you do, it would behoove you to use as much paper as possible. Every tree you cut down is replaced by another tree, and as that new tree grows it takes in more Carbon Dioxide. An older tree, the type harvested for paper, has already taken in most of the carbon required for its life cycle. Sure, making paper has an environmental cost in terms of pollution, but so does recycling.
I read a sign that said it takes a million years for glass to decompose in a landfill so we should recycle. You know what takes longer than glass to decompose? Sand. In fact, I don't think sand decomposes, it just becomes smaller sand. I don't see the problem in turning as much sand as we want into glass and then having a bunch of glass sitting around instead of a bunch of sand.
The same goes for any product. Before you ask me to recycle something, presumably to keep it out of a land fill or to reduce the costs, both environmental and economic, of making a new one, you need to convince me its worth it. There is no intrinsic value in recycling, especially since it takes work for the individual to recycle as well as money and effort to set up the process. It doesn't matter if we have a ton of raw materials sitting someplace or a ton of manufactured products sitting somewhere else.
Recycling has a negative impact on human invention as well. If we keep recycling everything there is no incentive, or at least delayed incentive, to come up with solutions for used up resources or overflowing landfills. Recycling will delay the necessity of dealing with these problems, but whether we recycle or not is immaterial. We will find new solutions for trash regardless of what I do with the crap I use in my daily life. If we run out of something, whatever it may be, we will just find ways to survive without it.
Recycling is societies reaction to fears about resource depletion and environmental costs. But recycling creates just as many problems, not the least of which is wasted human effort. Recycling simply delays the natural adaptations humanity undergoes as our environment changes. I'm willing to adapt to used up resources by thinking of alternatives, but I'm not willing to recycle just because someone tells me to.
I will admit that some recycling could be worthwhile. But nobody bothers to tell us why its worthwhile, they just skip that step and jump right to forcing us to do it. Not acceptable, not effective.
I represent the apathetic public who isn't scared of change. We are willing to adapt when we have to, but we aren't going to install shitty light bulbs and expend tons of effort recycling just to put off adaption. Go ahead, convince us we are are wrong. Until then we are going to keep using as much of the commons as we can.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Man love and why the feminists are ruining it
Do you love your friends? I do. And I tell them. Not, “I love you man,” or “Man, I love getting wasted with you.” I say, “I love you.” Thats it, and I really do. But I don't think many men feel the same way I do. Or maybe they do, but they can only admit it by slapping each others butts.
I truly believe loving man relationships are a good thing. I dare you to watch Band of Brothers or We Were Soldiers and tell me men aren't meant to care deeply about each other. Now if those damn feminists would just shut the hell up.
Here's the problem. Man Love is wonderful, but it is dieing out. I had a college professor who told me that in the 19th century (thats the a confusing way of saying the 1800's) men had deep, brotherly, abiding, love relationships and it wasn't faggy.
But then along comes the 20th century and poof, men are gay for loving each other and we start punching each other in the ass and making each other look at our balls. Its as if we have turned Man Love on its head. I don't love you, I want to make you look gay and then call you gay to prove we are not in love. How did this happen? Feminists.
And I'm not talking about Women's right to vote, or to learn how to read, I can argue against that until I'm blue in the balls. What I'm talking about is this extreme branch of feminists, Limbaugh calls them feminazi's, who believe that Women should not only have the same rights as men, they should be the same as men.
The same? Yes thats right, they believe Women should be firefighters and if they can't pass the tests we should make the tests easier. They don't believe there are some things men are naturally better at than women and vice versa. Instead of recognizing that Women have gifts that men don't and embracing those gifts while respecting that men are different and good at some things which Women are not, these Feminists want Women to be the same as Men.
As Women start to take on traditional male roles and attributes, Men's identities are being displaced. Men are no longer able to embrace their unique manliness and the gifts that come with it while appreciating and respecting the differences and gifts of the fairer sex.
And so radical feminists continue extending the definition of what it means to be a women so it encompasses what it means to be a man. This forces men to their own version of extremism. Men everywhere are either surrendering their manhood and swallowing the breast milk of the Feminazis, or they are taking their manliness to the extreme in an attempt to recapture their masculinity. Fist fights, body image issues, drinking like a fish, pursuing only money or material things, and beating your wife are all examples of manliness pushed to the extreme.
This is how Man Love is being lost. Man Love is a natural and healthy part of the male identity, but men who succumb to the idea that we are the same as Women can't have Man Love with out being gay, and Men pushed to the extreme's of manliness can't have Man Love without feeling gay.
Only a man with a healthy sense of his masculinity is capable of having deep friendships with other men that go beyond being just friends. But because radical feminism refuses to accept that the differences between men and women are beautiful, Man Love is quickly becoming a thing of the past.
I truly believe loving man relationships are a good thing. I dare you to watch Band of Brothers or We Were Soldiers and tell me men aren't meant to care deeply about each other. Now if those damn feminists would just shut the hell up.
Here's the problem. Man Love is wonderful, but it is dieing out. I had a college professor who told me that in the 19th century (thats the a confusing way of saying the 1800's) men had deep, brotherly, abiding, love relationships and it wasn't faggy.
But then along comes the 20th century and poof, men are gay for loving each other and we start punching each other in the ass and making each other look at our balls. Its as if we have turned Man Love on its head. I don't love you, I want to make you look gay and then call you gay to prove we are not in love. How did this happen? Feminists.
And I'm not talking about Women's right to vote, or to learn how to read, I can argue against that until I'm blue in the balls. What I'm talking about is this extreme branch of feminists, Limbaugh calls them feminazi's, who believe that Women should not only have the same rights as men, they should be the same as men.
The same? Yes thats right, they believe Women should be firefighters and if they can't pass the tests we should make the tests easier. They don't believe there are some things men are naturally better at than women and vice versa. Instead of recognizing that Women have gifts that men don't and embracing those gifts while respecting that men are different and good at some things which Women are not, these Feminists want Women to be the same as Men.
As Women start to take on traditional male roles and attributes, Men's identities are being displaced. Men are no longer able to embrace their unique manliness and the gifts that come with it while appreciating and respecting the differences and gifts of the fairer sex.
And so radical feminists continue extending the definition of what it means to be a women so it encompasses what it means to be a man. This forces men to their own version of extremism. Men everywhere are either surrendering their manhood and swallowing the breast milk of the Feminazis, or they are taking their manliness to the extreme in an attempt to recapture their masculinity. Fist fights, body image issues, drinking like a fish, pursuing only money or material things, and beating your wife are all examples of manliness pushed to the extreme.
This is how Man Love is being lost. Man Love is a natural and healthy part of the male identity, but men who succumb to the idea that we are the same as Women can't have Man Love with out being gay, and Men pushed to the extreme's of manliness can't have Man Love without feeling gay.
Only a man with a healthy sense of his masculinity is capable of having deep friendships with other men that go beyond being just friends. But because radical feminism refuses to accept that the differences between men and women are beautiful, Man Love is quickly becoming a thing of the past.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
I'm on the five year plan
For those of you who don't know me very well, my life is a little different. I graduated from college last May and then things got interesting. If you do know me, skip the next paragraph and get right to the conflict.
I moved into my truck, spent some alone time in Canada where I faced a bear, learned to talk dirty in French in New Brunswick, lived with a band in Boston, spent a week hob nobbing in Cape Cod, learned to sail on the Chesapeake bay, caught some sharks in Florida, went to Europe for 2 months, moved back into my truck, headed West, worked at a Wilderness Therapy program where I tracked troubled youths through the desert, and now I live in Utah among the Mormons.
I am skiing every week, learning to sew, writing everyday, and studying martial arts 16 hours a week. Now here's the conflict. I began to feel guilty about my lifestyle when I spoke with my friends who got full time jobs out of college and my family members who have been working hard their whole lives. Am I just wasting time? Shouldn't I be working?
As I was having those thoughts I realized I didn't need a job, I just needed to redefine the problem. Society tells me that things like learning to cook potato pancakes and spending a winter skiing are only ok if a person is making more money then they need and saving for their future.
And so I felt bad, I felt like it might be a mistake to focus all my attention on ridiculous topics; pursuits that might not make me any money. That's when I realized I had just spent four years focusing all my attention on ridiculous topics that certainly won't make me any money; its called college.
But society doesn't have a problem with millions of people wasting years of their lives and tens of thousands of dollars on College. Its actually encouraged! So now I simply equate everything I'm doing with Education and call the whole thing my fifth year in school. Most people take five years now anyway.
Under my new system two months drinking my way across Europe becomes study abroad. From what my Sister tells me thats pretty much what it is anyway. Learning to sew becomes Entrepreneurship. Anybody want some pockets? Martial Arts becomes physical education. Get the picture?
The beauty of the five year plan is that it costs just a fraction of what college does and you actually learn more. When I got to my wilderness therapy program job I couldn't use a can opener. Turns out they only work in the right hand. The point is, I'm learning more now than I did in college at a fraction of the cost and I don't have to take any classes I don't want to.
Not everyone can afford a fifth year, some people have to work. I understand that. I also understand that someday I'm going to get someone pregnant and I'll have to start working. But for now I'm not going to feel guilty about focusing on dreams instead of the reality of society.
Now if I could just drop Anthropology of Mormonism and get a beer I would feel like I was back in College again.
I moved into my truck, spent some alone time in Canada where I faced a bear, learned to talk dirty in French in New Brunswick, lived with a band in Boston, spent a week hob nobbing in Cape Cod, learned to sail on the Chesapeake bay, caught some sharks in Florida, went to Europe for 2 months, moved back into my truck, headed West, worked at a Wilderness Therapy program where I tracked troubled youths through the desert, and now I live in Utah among the Mormons.
I am skiing every week, learning to sew, writing everyday, and studying martial arts 16 hours a week. Now here's the conflict. I began to feel guilty about my lifestyle when I spoke with my friends who got full time jobs out of college and my family members who have been working hard their whole lives. Am I just wasting time? Shouldn't I be working?
As I was having those thoughts I realized I didn't need a job, I just needed to redefine the problem. Society tells me that things like learning to cook potato pancakes and spending a winter skiing are only ok if a person is making more money then they need and saving for their future.
And so I felt bad, I felt like it might be a mistake to focus all my attention on ridiculous topics; pursuits that might not make me any money. That's when I realized I had just spent four years focusing all my attention on ridiculous topics that certainly won't make me any money; its called college.
But society doesn't have a problem with millions of people wasting years of their lives and tens of thousands of dollars on College. Its actually encouraged! So now I simply equate everything I'm doing with Education and call the whole thing my fifth year in school. Most people take five years now anyway.
Under my new system two months drinking my way across Europe becomes study abroad. From what my Sister tells me thats pretty much what it is anyway. Learning to sew becomes Entrepreneurship. Anybody want some pockets? Martial Arts becomes physical education. Get the picture?
The beauty of the five year plan is that it costs just a fraction of what college does and you actually learn more. When I got to my wilderness therapy program job I couldn't use a can opener. Turns out they only work in the right hand. The point is, I'm learning more now than I did in college at a fraction of the cost and I don't have to take any classes I don't want to.
Not everyone can afford a fifth year, some people have to work. I understand that. I also understand that someday I'm going to get someone pregnant and I'll have to start working. But for now I'm not going to feel guilty about focusing on dreams instead of the reality of society.
Now if I could just drop Anthropology of Mormonism and get a beer I would feel like I was back in College again.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
How to win friends (chicks) and influence (manipulate) people
I recently had to read a famous book for work. How to Win Friends and Influence People. The book mostly focused on how to win friends and influence people, and it also assumed that you give a shit. Here are some things to remember in social interactions when you in fact, do not, give said shit.
These 10 guidelines will ensure you never walk away from a conversation feeling worse than the people you are talking to.
1. Always point at other peoples faces when you are making an important point. This lets them know you are serious and the visual cue helps to make sure they are paying attention. Plus, people really enjoying having a finger waved in their face.
2. Make sure to give the person you are talking to time to speak. Do this by placing your chin on your fist and periodically pointing at their face when they seem to be making a key point. Nod your head often to give the impression of attention. While they are talking you will have plenty of time to think about what you want to say next.
3. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Make sure not to let anyone see into your soul by avoiding eye contact. Instead, direct your gaze to the forehead of the person you are talking to. This will make them exceptionally uncomfortable, insuring a shorter conversation.
4. If you have to make eye contact, blink as often as possible.
5. When you don't have anything nice to say, its important that you say as much as possible. Keeping those negative feelings bottled up can be bad for your health.
6. If you feel your opponent is about to make a good point, stop them by saying “shhhhhhhh, you have something in your teeth.” When they ask you if they got it, say something like “no, its still there, but I wouldn't worry about it.” That should really hurt their confidence.
7. When walking away from a conversation, be sure to shake your head and call the other person an idiot under your breath.
8. Communication is 90% body language but only 10% about what you actually say. Tell this to the next women who accuses you of only looking at her tits and ass and ignoring what comes out of her mouth.
9. The thing about lying is that once you lie, you usually have to tell another lie to cover up the first one, and pretty soon you are telling one lie after another. This is great because you will never run out of things to say.
10. If you only remember one rule about social interactions make it this one: always be the loudest person in the conversation. Always.
These 10 guidelines will ensure you never walk away from a conversation feeling worse than the people you are talking to.
1. Always point at other peoples faces when you are making an important point. This lets them know you are serious and the visual cue helps to make sure they are paying attention. Plus, people really enjoying having a finger waved in their face.
2. Make sure to give the person you are talking to time to speak. Do this by placing your chin on your fist and periodically pointing at their face when they seem to be making a key point. Nod your head often to give the impression of attention. While they are talking you will have plenty of time to think about what you want to say next.
3. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Make sure not to let anyone see into your soul by avoiding eye contact. Instead, direct your gaze to the forehead of the person you are talking to. This will make them exceptionally uncomfortable, insuring a shorter conversation.
4. If you have to make eye contact, blink as often as possible.
5. When you don't have anything nice to say, its important that you say as much as possible. Keeping those negative feelings bottled up can be bad for your health.
6. If you feel your opponent is about to make a good point, stop them by saying “shhhhhhhh, you have something in your teeth.” When they ask you if they got it, say something like “no, its still there, but I wouldn't worry about it.” That should really hurt their confidence.
7. When walking away from a conversation, be sure to shake your head and call the other person an idiot under your breath.
8. Communication is 90% body language but only 10% about what you actually say. Tell this to the next women who accuses you of only looking at her tits and ass and ignoring what comes out of her mouth.
9. The thing about lying is that once you lie, you usually have to tell another lie to cover up the first one, and pretty soon you are telling one lie after another. This is great because you will never run out of things to say.
10. If you only remember one rule about social interactions make it this one: always be the loudest person in the conversation. Always.
Food Stamps- A Moral Diorama
I went to college which means I don't qualify for any jobs, but I do qualify for food stamps. Which is nice. But here's the problem. My fancy pancy college education may not have prepared me to make money, but it did prepare me to think critically about the morality of accepting said food stamps.
This has never been a problem in the past. I hate government programs, especially entitlements like socialized medicine, medicare, social security, unemployment, etc. So I have always said that, in the event that I qualified for some of those programs, I would not accept the benefits.
But here's the thing. I just found out that you can use food stamps to get Papa Murphy's Pizza. Food stamps are easy to reject when all you can get is government cheese, but Papa Murphy's pizza? Thats rich person food. I guess there is a loop hole because the pizza isn't cooked when you get it so you can use your food stamps. Sweet.
But I could actually afford to pay for the pizza, and in fact, I shouldn't be eating Papa Murphy's pizza anyway, not without a job. But the Government has offered to take money from someone else who is willing to work, and use it to buy me a Papa Murphy's Pizza.
There are two ways I could look at this. I could say, there is something fundamentally wrong with forcing someone else to buy me a Papa Murphy's Pizza, simply because I want to write and go to the gym instead of working, so I'm not going to participate.
On the other hand, I could say if some sap is going to work his ass off so I can have that Papa Murphy's Pizza he's an idiot and I should take everything I can get until somebody puts a stop to it.
And there you have it. This is the problem with entitlements. You take from those who are willing to work and give Papa Murphy's Pizza to those who are willing to cook their own pizza but not much else.
Here is where I address your objections for the sake of argument. You might say, you could work and went to college, but there are lots of people who are out of work and who would go hungry without food stamps.
Correct you are, but that doesn't answer the question of why someone like me qualifies for the same benefits. Don't create a system that lets lazy people like me get a free pizza at the expense of someone else! It is morally wrong to take from one person even if you are giving to a hungry person. Instead, create a system that encourages people to give to a hungry person, voluntarily.
When you take the money from the sucker who is willing to work, you restrict his ability to create jobs for the people on food stamps. You also restrict his ability to donate excess capital to help his community, the community he relies on for his job and income. Instead of allowing him to help his neighbors, we let him off the hook. Food stamps will help his neighbors, so instead of caring about his community, he gets pissed because he had to buy everyone pizza.
Am I going to get my food stamps? No. That would ruin my egotistical self centered logically consistent view of myself. But I might have a piece of my friends; it turns out Papa Murphy's is doing great business. Maybe I could work there.
This has never been a problem in the past. I hate government programs, especially entitlements like socialized medicine, medicare, social security, unemployment, etc. So I have always said that, in the event that I qualified for some of those programs, I would not accept the benefits.
But here's the thing. I just found out that you can use food stamps to get Papa Murphy's Pizza. Food stamps are easy to reject when all you can get is government cheese, but Papa Murphy's pizza? Thats rich person food. I guess there is a loop hole because the pizza isn't cooked when you get it so you can use your food stamps. Sweet.
But I could actually afford to pay for the pizza, and in fact, I shouldn't be eating Papa Murphy's pizza anyway, not without a job. But the Government has offered to take money from someone else who is willing to work, and use it to buy me a Papa Murphy's Pizza.
There are two ways I could look at this. I could say, there is something fundamentally wrong with forcing someone else to buy me a Papa Murphy's Pizza, simply because I want to write and go to the gym instead of working, so I'm not going to participate.
On the other hand, I could say if some sap is going to work his ass off so I can have that Papa Murphy's Pizza he's an idiot and I should take everything I can get until somebody puts a stop to it.
And there you have it. This is the problem with entitlements. You take from those who are willing to work and give Papa Murphy's Pizza to those who are willing to cook their own pizza but not much else.
Here is where I address your objections for the sake of argument. You might say, you could work and went to college, but there are lots of people who are out of work and who would go hungry without food stamps.
Correct you are, but that doesn't answer the question of why someone like me qualifies for the same benefits. Don't create a system that lets lazy people like me get a free pizza at the expense of someone else! It is morally wrong to take from one person even if you are giving to a hungry person. Instead, create a system that encourages people to give to a hungry person, voluntarily.
When you take the money from the sucker who is willing to work, you restrict his ability to create jobs for the people on food stamps. You also restrict his ability to donate excess capital to help his community, the community he relies on for his job and income. Instead of allowing him to help his neighbors, we let him off the hook. Food stamps will help his neighbors, so instead of caring about his community, he gets pissed because he had to buy everyone pizza.
Am I going to get my food stamps? No. That would ruin my egotistical self centered logically consistent view of myself. But I might have a piece of my friends; it turns out Papa Murphy's is doing great business. Maybe I could work there.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Fighter Diary
This is a Diary of my experiences training at a Mixed Martial Arts School. I dabbled in wrestling back in middle school, but when a broken hand followed by a broken arm put me out for the season, I switched to chess and never looked back. In college I tried MMA for 2 weeks but couldn't commit to it while working and going to school. Luckily I no longer have school, or a job, and have decided to give MMA everything I have for as long as I can afford it, physically and financially.
Week One:
The gym I have chosen offers Muay Thai kick boxing, Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, Conditioning, Mixed Martial Arts, and three self defense classes focusing on defense against attackers with a gun, knife, stick, or baseball bat . I am going to as many classes as my body will let me since my membership includes as many classes as I can take.
The first week was brutal. I used to be a body builder crossed with a power lifter and I can honestly say I have never been this sore. I started class on a Tuesday and had an hour of Mixed Martial Arts, which puts together every kind of attack that is legal in the United States, and hour of conditioning in the morning. In the evening it was an hour of Muay Thai and an hour of Jiu-Jitsu. The rest of the week was basically the same, with between 2 and 4 hours of training everyday except Sunday.
This is definitely harder than college. There are so many moves to learn, and so much training for my body, I've never had to put the two together at such a fast pace. From learning how to wear my clothes, to how to go from being strangled into breaking someones arm, my brain is like a sponge. At home I am constantly seeing punch and knee combinations, submission attacks, and footwork drills in my mind.
Half way through the week I could feel my body crashing, and along with it my ability to maintain my form. Its really tough to learn when you are cut up and exhausted. But I know I have to push myself.
This week the more experienced guys are laughing at me. When I get thrown in to spar with them I don't really know much so I resort to the street fighting and brute strength tactics I've used my whole life. They keep telling me to take it easy and I am trying to change my attitude. I know in a couple of months there will be other new guys and I'll remember what it was like to know nothing about my body and how to use it as a controlled weapon.
Hopefully next week I'll start to adapt and my body will hang in there longer so my mind can learn more. Its been a draining, but enlightening week. If I can change my attitude away from brute force, I will really be able to learn something here and change my body in a way I never pictured.
Week One:
The gym I have chosen offers Muay Thai kick boxing, Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, Conditioning, Mixed Martial Arts, and three self defense classes focusing on defense against attackers with a gun, knife, stick, or baseball bat . I am going to as many classes as my body will let me since my membership includes as many classes as I can take.
The first week was brutal. I used to be a body builder crossed with a power lifter and I can honestly say I have never been this sore. I started class on a Tuesday and had an hour of Mixed Martial Arts, which puts together every kind of attack that is legal in the United States, and hour of conditioning in the morning. In the evening it was an hour of Muay Thai and an hour of Jiu-Jitsu. The rest of the week was basically the same, with between 2 and 4 hours of training everyday except Sunday.
This is definitely harder than college. There are so many moves to learn, and so much training for my body, I've never had to put the two together at such a fast pace. From learning how to wear my clothes, to how to go from being strangled into breaking someones arm, my brain is like a sponge. At home I am constantly seeing punch and knee combinations, submission attacks, and footwork drills in my mind.
Half way through the week I could feel my body crashing, and along with it my ability to maintain my form. Its really tough to learn when you are cut up and exhausted. But I know I have to push myself.
This week the more experienced guys are laughing at me. When I get thrown in to spar with them I don't really know much so I resort to the street fighting and brute strength tactics I've used my whole life. They keep telling me to take it easy and I am trying to change my attitude. I know in a couple of months there will be other new guys and I'll remember what it was like to know nothing about my body and how to use it as a controlled weapon.
Hopefully next week I'll start to adapt and my body will hang in there longer so my mind can learn more. Its been a draining, but enlightening week. If I can change my attitude away from brute force, I will really be able to learn something here and change my body in a way I never pictured.
Food Stamps- A Moral Diorama
I went to college which means I don't qualify for any jobs, but I do qualify for food stamps. Which is nice. But here's the problem. My fancy pancy college education may not have prepared me to make money, but it did prepare me to think critically about the morality of accepting said food stamps.
This has never been a problem in the past. I hate government programs, especially entitlements like socialized medicine, medicare, social security, unemployment, etc. So I have always said that, in the event that I qualified for some of those programs, I would not accept the benefits.
But here's the thing. I just found out that you can use food stamps to get Papa Murphy's Pizza. Food stamps are easy to reject when all you can get is government cheese, but Papa Murphy's pizza? Thats rich person food. I guess there is a loop hole because the pizza isn't cooked when you get it so you can use your food stamps. Sweet.
But I could actually afford to pay for the pizza, and in fact, I shouldn't be eating Papa Murphy's pizza anyway, not without a job. But the Government has offered to take money from someone else who is willing to work, and use it to buy me a Papa Murphy's Pizza.
There are two ways I could look at this. I could say, there is something fundamentally wrong with forcing someone else to buy me a Papa Murphy's Pizza, simply because I want to write and go to the gym instead of working, so I'm not going to participate.
On the other hand, I could say if some sap is going to work his ass off so I can have that Papa Murphy's Pizza he's an idiot and I should take everything I can get until somebody puts a stop to it.
And there you have it. This is the problem with entitlements. You take from those who are willing to work and give Papa Murphy's Pizza to those who are willing to cook their own pizza but not much else.
Here is where I address your objections for the sake of argument. You might say, you could work and went to college, but there are lots of people who are out of work and who would go hungry without food stamps.
Correct you are, but that doesn't answer the question of why someone like me qualifies for the same benefits. Don't create a system that lets lazy people like me get a free pizza at the expense of someone else! It is morally wrong to take from one person even if you are giving to a hungry person. Instead, create a system that encourages people to give to a hungry person, voluntarily.
When you take the money from the sucker who is willing to work, you restrict his ability to create jobs for the people on food stamps. You also restrict his ability to donate excess capital to help his community, the community he relies on for his job and income. Instead of allowing him to help his neighbors, we let him off the hook. Food stamps will help his neighbors, so instead of caring about his community, he gets pissed because he had to buy everyone pizza.
Am I going to get my food stamps? No. That would ruin my egotistical self centered logically consistent view of myself. But I might have a piece of my friends; it turns out Papa Murphy's is doing great business. Maybe I could work there.
This has never been a problem in the past. I hate government programs, especially entitlements like socialized medicine, medicare, social security, unemployment, etc. So I have always said that, in the event that I qualified for some of those programs, I would not accept the benefits.
But here's the thing. I just found out that you can use food stamps to get Papa Murphy's Pizza. Food stamps are easy to reject when all you can get is government cheese, but Papa Murphy's pizza? Thats rich person food. I guess there is a loop hole because the pizza isn't cooked when you get it so you can use your food stamps. Sweet.
But I could actually afford to pay for the pizza, and in fact, I shouldn't be eating Papa Murphy's pizza anyway, not without a job. But the Government has offered to take money from someone else who is willing to work, and use it to buy me a Papa Murphy's Pizza.
There are two ways I could look at this. I could say, there is something fundamentally wrong with forcing someone else to buy me a Papa Murphy's Pizza, simply because I want to write and go to the gym instead of working, so I'm not going to participate.
On the other hand, I could say if some sap is going to work his ass off so I can have that Papa Murphy's Pizza he's an idiot and I should take everything I can get until somebody puts a stop to it.
And there you have it. This is the problem with entitlements. You take from those who are willing to work and give Papa Murphy's Pizza to those who are willing to cook their own pizza but not much else.
Here is where I address your objections for the sake of argument. You might say, you could work and went to college, but there are lots of people who are out of work and who would go hungry without food stamps.
Correct you are, but that doesn't answer the question of why someone like me qualifies for the same benefits. Don't create a system that lets lazy people like me get a free pizza at the expense of someone else! It is morally wrong to take from one person even if you are giving to a hungry person. Instead, create a system that encourages people to give to a hungry person, voluntarily.
When you take the money from the sucker who is willing to work, you restrict his ability to create jobs for the people on food stamps. You also restrict his ability to donate excess capital to help his community, the community he relies on for his job and income. Instead of allowing him to help his neighbors, we let him off the hook. Food stamps will help his neighbors, so instead of caring about his community, he gets pissed because he had to buy everyone pizza.
Am I going to get my food stamps? No. That would ruin my egotistical self centered logically consistent view of myself. But I might have a piece of my friends; it turns out Papa Murphy's is doing great business. Maybe I could work there.
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