Republicans Call Large too Big as Congress Clashes Over Bill

Congressional leaders met for what was supposed to be a non-partisan pizza party at a Washington D.C. Pizza Hut. The party quickly became deadlocked along party lines as Democrats and Republicans clashed over the bill, pork, and tipping for low income waitresses.

Republican leaders called an extra large supreme pizza “excessive” and, in light of the federal deficit, suggested budgetary restraint. Democrats cautioned they would not vote for any order that did not include wings and extra cheese.

Democrats countered the austerity plan with their own proposal, suggesting wealthier party goers should pick up the drink tab. Conservatives argued pitchers of beer purchased by the top 10% of wage earners would trickle down to less affluent diners.

Representative Nancy Pelosi (D-California) voiced her dissatisfaction with a plan that would allow individuals to purchase their own side dishes without contributing to the purchase of pizza.“This is a classic example of Republicans paying for a party on the backs of those who can least afford a meat lovers with stuffed crust.”

Representative Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) said he refused to attach Canadian Bacon to the bill, a move he claimed would prevent restaurants from relying on foreign meat. In addition the Senator found Democrats suggestions of bread sticks to be “preposterous,” stating the time had come to “get real about fiscal restraint.”

Democrats refused to yield any ground on plans to start a bar tab despite concerns future generations of party goers would have to foot the bill. “If we cut our bar tab now we could be looking at an even worse party than those held in the 30's,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Navada).

Republicans refused to extend the tip ceiling despite the bill's rapidly approaching deadline of 10 pm when the restaurant would close. Democrats claimed 15% was the minimum standard. As of press time a tea party had been suggested for a future gathering as a way to avoid the costs associated with a bloated central pizza party.