If your too dumb to know this is a sham, your hired!

I've been self unemployed for a few months now and the job market for sarcastic, self aware writers with liberal arts degrees is about as hot as Eskimo boogers. After being turned down as a waiter in Alaska, at a restaurant specializing in Eskimo boogers, I was feeling pretty low. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I was hired as a customer service representative, for a leading company!, and things got much worse.

Things started with an application and an interview that went well enough, and within a couple of hours I was hired and invited to come to a 3 day paid training after which I would immediately start work! Sweet deal I though, and so I asked what I would be assisting the customer with and I was informed that the product was featured in Epcots home of the future!

So this morning I showed up to training wearing my borrowed tie which I had spent all morning learning how to tie. The 4 hour training session got off to an exciting start. I learned I would be assisting customers by taking vacuum cleaners to their homes and demonstrating how to use them.

Wait, what?

Thats right! Vacuum cleaners will be in the home of the future. But not just any vacuum. This baby can blow up balloons, buff your car, unclog your drains, clean your dog, massage your head, soap your carpet, clean your mattress, and tutor your kids in math. It does things you didn't even know you know you needed to do.

Needless to say I learned I need one of these vacuum cleaners. And if I, a crude, wild stallion of a man boy who lives in a truck could see the need for one of these babies, then how easy would it be to sell these suckers to people who lived in houses?

After hearing more details about the product I was convinced every homeowner needs a Sentria. But as the training wore on, I started to realize the company might not be the best place to work. Here's a short list of the things that tipped me off:

1. They told me I would be paid for the training but 4 hours into the training I was asked to sign a form stating I agreed not to be paid for the training.
2. I was a customer service rep, not a sales person, but I would be paid on commission.
3. We where told we would be reimbursed for our fuel costs. But half way through the first day it became clear we would be reimbursed by the government, in the form of tax rebates, and mysterious bonuses which would be given out based on subjective criteria.
4. I was told I wouldn't have to find my own sales, that the company would only send us to homes that where per-approved and who had requested a demonstration. But, before we could start, we would have to find 4 people to demonstrate the product to and here is what to say to sales you find.
5. Everyone at the training was hired! But if some of us didn't find enough people to demonstrate the vacuum cleaner to, we might not be hired.
6. We had more applications than we could handle, said the instructor. We selected you because we like you. But if you could refer people to us we will give you money, and some of it will be the money of the person you referred.
7. We stand behind our product so we don't mind if people try it out. But don't tell them its made by Kirby, just tell them its the new Sentria.
8. Here is a list of the types of people to set up appointments with (I've simplified the list): People with money.
9. Here is a list of the types of people not to set up appointments with: Poor people, disabled people, young people.
10. You can all become managers and we have relatively few managers

After 4 hours of training, my brain, which process facts with the dual motor power of a Sentria, was realizing this company was pretty shady.

While they didn't bring me in as an employee, they did bring me in as customer. I took advantage of their financing and for only 36 payments of 79.95 I've brought the Sentria home! Well, not technically home, because I live in my car and am unemployed. But when I do get a place I'm going to be able to shampoo my carpets in as little as 20 minutes per room! Did you know sand is the number one destroyer of carpets and the Sentria has the suction power to remove course sand from your carpet?

Its too bad that this company wasn't more up front with me, I really do love the Sentria. When was the last time you vacuumed your bed? The Sentria can reach over 12 inches down into your mattress to remove the dust mites and dead skin particles that are the leading cause of difficult breathing for sleepers! If only finding a good job that doesn't take advantage of people where as easy as removing grime from tile floors with the Sentria. Did I mention it makes cleaning ceiling fans a breeze?