I know why people don't vote anymore

I was in Indiana for Easter and I found the place pleasantly quiet and unassuming with lovely people and calm rolling country side. But apparently it wasn't always like this. The Indians used to be wild and crazy drunks who would throw a party at the drop of a hat and do anything for a laugh. How do I know this? They have banned the sale of alcohol on election days, thats how.

Its easy to imagine how it happened. For years and years candidates would invite their friends, and anyone who wanted to have a good time, to a raucous party. With all the booze paid for by the candidates, everyone got rip roaring drunk. Then once everyone was in high spirits, the good Indianians would follow their "party" leader down to the polling place.

For years this system worked and for years everyone was happy. The citizens knew that they where getting good representatives because they knew the people they voted for understood them. A couple of shots, some fried chicken, what else does an Indianian need?

But then something terrible happened. In the infamous election of 1889, the party got out of hand and the only people who where sober enough to make it to the polling place where the jackasses who nobody liked. Upon sobering up the good people of Indiana realized their mistake- they had let a bunch of asses into power! To prevent such a terrible mistake from happening again, they vowed to never drink on election day again.

While every school child in Indiana could tell you this story, the effects of the election of 1889, or the moonshine landslide of 89, as the locals remember it, are relatively unknown in the rest of the country. Ignorance has not, however, shielded us from the negative effect of that one drunken election. Since their victory all those years ago it seems that the asses have never left power.

Some attribute the sad state of public affairs to the two party system, others to apathy among the young people. But my trip to Indiana has taught me the truth. It used to be that only the fun loving, whiskey drinking, Banjo toting American's where the ones to vote. It was fun! Everybody got loaded on the candidates dime, talked a little politics, and then people voted.

But when the people of Indiana decided to quit drinking on election day all the fun of voting was taken away. After they vowed to stop drinking, the good down to earth Indianianians didn't really see the point in showing up to vote. The politicians stopped spending their money on beer and started spending it on campaign ads.

As campaign ads got more expensive with the advent of Radio and TV, the politicians became beholden to the special interests that paid for their campaigns instead of the beer drinking Americans who used to show up for the party.

Without the voting party, the focus has shifted away from the hard working hard playing American's who used to vote great American's into office. Instead we have a bunch of corporations, special interests, and billionaires paying for weak tit American's to take office. Its time to bring the fun back to politics- let those Indianianianians have a drink on election day!